Weathering Storm(s)

The radio silence online over the last week has been filled with NOISE is my offline life. After contemplating whether I should wait until I was less pissed with myself to do it, I clicked publish on my last whiny post and went to bed. I was woken up by my phone’s vibrations 4 hours later.

It was my sister calling to tell me that my grandma was not breathing and her heart was not beating.

EMT’s were working to get her heart restarted before they rushed her off to the ER. Within hours my family had gathered there. And the news was not good. The whining about my grades and school and a sucky birthday were suddenly so absolutely ridiculous I shared it with my fam to try to lighten the mood.

But we could not lighten the mood. My grandmother is all that is holding the maternal side of my family together. Since my grandfather passed in June, we have been walking a tightrope of tension.

My grandmother has not spoken a word or moved on her own since Tuesday, October 23rd at about 6am.

As doctors give and retract diagnosis and give hope and then take it away, there has been ripples of discord. As she lays in the hospital, and Sandy rages through my city, my Brooklyn, the storm in my family rages on, too.

My grandma might never wake up.

I’ve reached the point where I can write about it now. I had been paralyzed and in tears for most of my waking hours. I have found a few outlets to extend myself. Focusing on my children and husband, storm prep and a fair I’m co-chairing at my big daughter’s school  has kept me sane.

But my nerves are fraying with this forced long weekend. As the days pass and my grandma still does not wake and my family drama continues to bluster and blow, I feel increasingly on edge.

I’m going to try to regroup and refocus.

And wait out the storms.

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20 thoughts on “Weathering Storm(s)

  1. I’m so sorry to hear about your granny. I know the stress of this storm is not helpful in adding to your sorrow and I wish you and your family the best during this time. I lost my gran this year and I know your pain at the thought of losing someone that holds the family together. My thoughts are with your gran and your family, I hope she pulls through! xo

  2. My Darling Friend, my thoughts are with you and yours in this especially difficult time. Sending many hugs and all my love to you.

  3. I am so, SO sorry to hear this, I really am. The last month with my Mother was like this, so much uncertainty, so much heart ache. I really do hope that your family can make it through the tension. I also hope that you fair well in the literal storm. My niece is in Brooklyn, I’m worried about her as I am with everyone I know up and down the eastern seaboard. My thoughts are with you.

  4. Long time reader here – sending my throughts your way. I lost my grandmother 2 years ago now & it still really pains me; she was an amazing woman. I am glad you made it through the storm OK. best wishes.

  5. Oh, no — what a horrible set of events to go on at the same time! :( I’ve been away from the blogs for awhile and just logged in to see your last post and this one. I’m so, so sorry, Nettie. You, your grandma, and your entire family will be in my prayers. I don’t know you in real life, but from this space I can tell that you’re a strong and wonderful person. You will get through this. And you’re allowed to crack sometimes. But you’ll get through.

  6. I am so so so so sorry to read this. My thoughts are with you and your family and grandma. You are such a strong lady, you will weather this storm gracefully and come out stronger, I know it.

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