Self Discipline-

 correction or regulation of oneself for the sake of improvement
I lack self discipline. I’ve always know this about myself. I’m trying to do something about it. Really. What I’ve been trying to figure out lately is, how can I possibly fit it all in? This post over at Spindelicious Handspun touched on a subject I often find myself contemplating. Where does wife and mother end and Wanett begin? Can there ever really be a separation? Should a separation exist? At what point in the lives of my children is it okay to be selfish again? Are childless people selfish? Are they really out there doing what they want? Probably not. Is it selfish to want a separate identity? Is it asking for too much?
I feel certain that disciplined people are getting more done than I am. Even with my children and husband and me and the many responsibilities that come with us, I have time to get things done. If only I could get my shit together. It took me 8 months to get that doll pattern released. Eight months. A lack of discipline, a lack of applying myself with a specific focus.
I’ve gotten to know my tendenacies very well. Despite knowing that a shift in focus (read: distraction) is coming up, I am powerless to stop it. Writing moods happen when I’m feeling moody, like now. Except, right now, I should be knitting. Last week when the knit design mojo was strong, I was sketching ideas and feeling positively delighted with myself. 
Cut to this week, I’ve been knitting the last 2 inches of sleeve #2 (on Petal) for three days. That last doll still has no face. WTF? But that mood to write, to write some more of that moody, sad story I started, is so strong that I can’t seem to finish that sleeve. Never mind my design swatches. My thoughts are all over the place. I can barely write this blog post coherently.
There are so many things I want to do and so many things that I have to do. So many ideas and so little time to get them done. What to do? I have no clue. But I’m tired of feeling elated and sad by turns about something that’s on the horizon and something that I let pass me by. But, how exactly does one cultivate a disciplined lifestyle at this late stage?

6 thoughts on “Self Discipline-

  1. Make a list and hit the items on that list one at a time.

    I mean, unless you’re going to send my baby a doll in the mail, LOL.

    Don’t be so hard on yourself.

    I love having my kids wrapped up in every thread of my being even though it often drives me crazy. Seems like you probably just need a long weekend get away.

  2. Just know that you’re definitely not alone. I feel that way a lot but you really can’t beat yourself up about it. sometimes you have to recognize the small steps you take towards productivity and know that eventually baby steps turn into big girl steps. Hope I’ve helped to motivate you because you truly are talented. It may have taken you a while to get that Doll pattern out but some of us (points to self) have been trying to design baby knits for the past couple of years.

  3. Practice and someone to help hold you accountable. I agree also with making a list.

    I feel you on so many levels. Take life one day at a time and try to live in the moment. The things that are required will get done. All others will fall by the wayside and you may just be better for it. You can turn crafting into business but don’t turn it into a job. Know what I mean?

    And no, all childless people are not selfish. Some of us are still in training. Our season of kids will come at around the time your season or rest will come.

    With love!

  4. I totally hear you. I only have one baby and can barely get anything done. I do lack discipline. I can’t even tell you how many ideas I have, but have yet to execute them. Glad to know I am not the only one that feels this way.

  5. Whoa, Nettie. You have 4 kids! And they’re all very young. I really wouldn’t beat up on myself in your situation. You’re still young, you have years ahead of you. I sometimes feel this way myself, but then I remember that I’m raising my kids instead of working long hours & never spending time with them. NOT to knock outside-working moms because I know I’m fortunate to be able to work at home, but this is my life now. One day, they’ll be older & I’ll have more time for me, but for now, this is life.

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